Archives For divorce

November 14, 2018

God Made Us Needy

Gary Thomas — 

A blockbuster quote from a blockbuster book (Unwanted) by Jay Stringer unmasks what I have seen but been unable to describe in marriage: “Few of my male clients recognize any needs they have except for sex. This puts a tremendous strain on their partners to be sexual in order to experience intimacy. The pressure men […]

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October 18, 2018

Don’t Be a Peg

Gary Thomas — 

Frederick Buechner is a brilliant writer who can jump between fiction and nonfiction like a champion American Ninja Warrior skips over a water obstacle. In his novel Godric (a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize), Buechner brilliantly makes us feel sorry for Richard the baker, who is married to a noxious woman: “There was Richard the […]

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This is the fifth post in an ongoing series featuring the message of Loving Him Well: Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband. Since the book is written for wives, the excerpt will focus on wives, but it’s just as applicable for men. The chapter in the book contains much more information, but this blog post […]

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Some desires in marriage are never going to be fulfilled and need to be “crucified.” In fact, various studies have suggested that more than fifty percent of marital issues will never be resolved. You can fight against this all you want. You can resent it. You can say it’s not fair. But it won’t change […]

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June 14, 2018

Gray Divorce

Gary Thomas — 

Jordan looked shell-shocked. I knew him to be a gregarious man with a great sense of humor, accomplished, confident, almost intimidating (but only because of my insecurities, not because of his arrogance or manipulation). Yet he sat next to me, swirling in a mental and emotional fog. “I don’t want to teach the Sunday School […]

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When I first wrote Sacred Influence in 2004, pornography got a few paragraphs. When I rewrote Sacred Influence to become Loving Him Well (just released), a wife dealing with her husband’s pornography became an entire chapter. In fact, it is now the longest chapter in the book. The rise of high-speed Internet access has transformed […]

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February 25, 2018

What Did I Do Wrong?

Gary Thomas — 

  When a family member—a spouse or a child—misbehaves or breaks your heart, the most natural reaction is to ask, “What did I do wrong?” Wrong question entirely. A therapist friend of mine, who has worked with thousands of couples in heartbreaking situations, always asks such people, “When God created the perfect world for Adam […]

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September 7, 2017

For Worse

Gary Thomas — 

A woman from a war-torn country told an American, “The difference between Americans and the rest of the world is that you expect everything to go fine and are surprised when something bad happens. The rest of the world expects life to be dreary and is surprised when something good happens.” I don’t know about […]

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A lay counselor who has worked with hundreds of premarital couples told me that he particularly looks forward to the session when he lays out what he calls the “tough love truths” to the future bride (why he picks the bride for this, I’m not sure). During this session, David tells the woman that sometime […]

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If marriage conferences make you ill because your spouse doesn’t change; if marriage books and blogs like mine frustrate you because while you want to improve your marriage your spouse doesn’t and won’t; if you feel disconnected from your spouse and you seem to be the only one who notices or cares, what then? You […]

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