Archives For building intimacy

August 31, 2016

Celebrating “Okay” Sex

Gary Thomas — 

  What if “okay sex” is okay? Where do we get our expectations that every act of marital sex is supposed to be a candidate for the highlight reel of marital ecstasy? In our ever present desire to “one up” the world, Christians are fond of exaggerating. That’s in part what led me to write […]

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August 10, 2016

How Porn Creates Angry Men

Gary Thomas — 

Plenty of research has come out about porn’s effects on men—erectile dysfunction, making your brain less attracted to your wife, distorting a man’s view of women overall, etc.  One I haven’t seen listed, though, is anger. Men who regularly give in to porn often have a lot of anger toward their wives. I’m not a […]

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I (Patrick) have a bit of a reputation for running out of gas, perhaps because I once read an article that said gas pumps have more germs than a toilet seat. I don’t know how many germs that is, but it’s enough for me not to want to touch either one too often. Or maybe […]

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One of the most common questions I get about my book for singles, The Sacred Search, which gives a lot of advice about what to look for and what to avoid when choosing someone to marry, is “What if you can’t find a person like the one you describe?” Singles who ask this question, and […]

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Throughout the nine months of our engagement, Lisa and I made many plans, as any engaged couple does. We talked about missions, family, serving God—you name it. It was an intense time, and we often prayed, “Lord, wherever you want to take us, however you want to use us, we’re all yours.” Of course, we […]

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My friend Dr. Mike Dittman offers a profoundly refreshing new approach to “counseling.” This is so applicable to friendship, marriage, and parenting: “People have often asked me to help them figure something out or fix something in their lives. They want answers to their questions and affirmation in their struggles, but not to learn how […]

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March 7, 2016

Something New

Gary Thomas — 

  There are oceans of marriage experiences out there just waiting to be explored. Too many of us keep swimming in the same kiddie pool. Danger Mouse (a producer and musician from LA) was in a bar shooting pool when he heard a song come over the speakers that mesmerized him. “I just sat and […]

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February 6, 2016

Why Men Don’t Change

Gary Thomas — 

  What if your husband isn’t motivated by your pain? What if he’s only motivated by his? Many wives live with great frustration because they keep telling their husbands that something he is doing (or not doing) is causing them great pain, but the husband never changes. This confuses the wife. She thinks, “If I […]

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January 16, 2016

Choosing Enthusiasm

Gary Thomas — 

Choosing Enthusiasm One of the best gifts you can give your spouse doesn’t cost anything, it’s appropriate for literally every holiday, and you never have to wrap it. I’m talking about enthusiasm. Lisa and I look at food through two radically different lenses. I eat primarily because I hate being hungry, but food isn’t something […]

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January 9, 2016

He Lies

Gary Thomas — 

He lies to you, all the time. Jesus called Satan “the Father of lies,” and if you want an abundant life and marriage, you have to discern those lies. Satan takes normal marital doldrums and turns it into the story of your life. “It won’t get better, it can’t get better. Your only hope is […]

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