Archives For building intimacy

March 28, 2017

Real Repentance

Gary Thomas — 

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.” 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 If a spouse has been […]

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While writing Cherish, a good friend of mine who does a lot of counseling warned me that many spouses—up to 30%, in fact—actively resist being cherished by their spouse. They sabotage their own happiness because they don’t see themselves as “cherishable” and thus resist any efforts their spouse might make to cherish them. If you […]

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Singles seeking to marry well can learn so much from a man who got married four hundred years ago. He made a supremely wise choice for all the right reasons and benefitted immensely because of it. Don’t be freaked out that he was a Puritan. Richard Baxter (1615-1691) lived half his life as a single […]

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Readers, When I was writing Cherish, I’d ask wives how they wanted to be cherished. If you poured a cup of coffee right away, it would be room temperature by the time most of them stopped talking. When I’d ask men how they like to be cherished, the most common answer was, “Do you want […]

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If you want to make this Valentine’s Day special, in addition to shopping for the lingerie and chocolate, spend some extra time worshipping God. It’s not that I have anything against chocolate or lingerie (especially lingerie), but three decades of marriage have taught me that personal worship is an absolute must to sustain a strong […]

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February 9, 2017

Forsaking All Others

Gary Thomas — 

Being closer to anyone other than your spouse is a betrayal of your wedding vows. When we think of betraying our wedding vows, we usually think of something sexual or romantic. But there’s a far more common betrayal that isn’t about romance or sex; it’s about emotional connection or relational dependence. The reality is that […]

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There’s a popular joke in New England that expresses just how much affection Patriots fans have for their beloved quarterback. A wife wakes up furious with her husband. “I had a dream last night that you had an affair with Giselle Bundchen!” she shouts and hits him with a pillow. “That’s ridiculous!” the husband protests. […]

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“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love.” Ecclesiastes 9:9 In my book Pure Pleasure I tell the story of an excruciatingly hot run on an August afternoon in Houston, Texas, well before I moved here. Nobody who lives in Houston actually plans to run at 3:00 p.m. in the middle of August but I […]

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January 10, 2017

A Tale of Two Wives

Gary Thomas — 

“All right,” the event organizer told me, “here’s your ride. His name is Terry.” You’ll have to forgive me for catching my breath, as Terry rolled up in a wheelchair. It was winter in Winnipeg, below freezing, and dark. And my driver, as I already said, was shaking my hand while sitting in a wheelchair. […]

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January 7, 2017

The Marriage You Want

Gary Thomas — 

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve heard me talking a lot lately about cherishing our spouse. What does cherish mean? How is cherish different from love? I recently came across a brilliant description of cherishing your spouse that was written hundreds of years ago by a surprising source. I say “surprising” because John Wesley […]

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