There is a common trap in marriage that younger couples need to be aware of. I call it “baby bouncing.” In a real-life case (names changed), Francine ultimately grieved when her husband Jacques fell madly in love with their firstborn child (Eliane). That might sound odd; wouldn’t a mother love the fact that her husband […]
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When talking to a group of singles, one woman took offense when I said that part of our response to the Bible’s affirmation of pursuing marriage (Prov. 31:10) is to work on making ourselves more “marriageable.” That might mean getting in shape, getting out of debt, growing deeper in the Lord, improving relational skills, etc. […]
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One of the great marital traps is duplicity. Duplicity can do more than just wreck our intimacy and our marriages—it can wreck our souls. What does duplicity come from, and what is it? Duplicity exists in the intersection of desire and fear. When we desire something that isn’t appropriate and so fear the consequences, duplicity […]
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Jason and Maria want something entirely different out of the same marriage. They’ve been together for 15 years, and it has taken Jason that long to realize that he and his wife’s vision of a successful marriage are worlds apart. Jason desires a certain kind of marriage that his wife, Maria, doesn’t. Have you ever […]
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I’ve noticed something in men who are mentally unfaithful to their wives; this is more of a spiritual observation and anecdotal so I might be totally off base. Tell me what you think. Men who mentally cheat on their wives (primarily with pornography as an aide) eventually display anger toward their wives. It may not […]
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“By the way, you spent eight thousand dollars today.” “Seriously?” I asked my wife. “Yeah. We paid off a college loan.” If you think kids are expensive when they’re babies, wait until they hit their late teens and early twenties. Even so, I think having kids is one of the best things men can do […]
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While “love” is something many people think they fall into, studies show that divorce is something we usually grow into. William Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, provides an insightful distinction between what he calls “hard reasons” and “soft reasons” that split couples up and lead to divorce. In Doherty’s […]
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Sometimes, I’m reading one of the Christian classics and I find myself saying, even out loud, “Ouch.” That happened to me once when I was spending time with John Wesley. His insight was so heavy and so unique, it just about knocked me out of my chair. In his essay on “perfection,” John Wesley (18th […]
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Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Conflict can be productive and fruitful and even help us grow. It can bring issues of blindness to the surface: “Really? That’s how you feel when I say that?” It can be the great revealer of past hurts: “That’s why you’re so sensitive […]
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The young woman’s plaintive question—“Don’t you want your daughters to be in love on their wedding day?”—offered shortly after I had just spoken on The Sacred Search, was one last attempt to hold on to a myth that she felt I had just shattered. I get it. Hollywood has created such a wildly romantic scenario, […]
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