May 13, 2020

One Woman’s Sexual Awakening

Gary Thomas — 

“Over the course of my marriage, intercourse has drastically changed from something I just endured to something that frustrated the heck out of me to something I crave.”

Ruth Buezis lived with various degrees of sexual frustration for about twenty-five years. She has spent the past decade making up for it. And she has dedicated this portion of her life to helping women find new pleasure and enjoyment in bed with their husbands.

In her Awaken Love workshops, Ruth helps wives move from thinking sex is something they have to endure for the sake of their husband, to being something that is designed to thrill, pleasure, and comfort them and to draw them ever closer to their husbands. Ruth doesn’t blame her husband for the lack of sexual excitement in the early years of their marriage, saying it was as much her fault as his. Her book is the story of how a woman found her way to the best sex of her life in the third decade of her marriage.

I’ve read a lot of books about marriage and even a good number of books about sex in marriage, and I found Ruth’s Awaken Love to be among the best. She writes as a woman to women, but more particularly as a woman who settled for sub-par sex for far too long, and who not only found the way to enjoyment, but who has taught many other women to get there as well. That journey has seasoned her advice and it has aged well.

One woman struggled with believing her husband was sexually attracted to her. Because of this, sex was guarded, and in the dark. After being set free, she eventually ended up doing a strip tease for her husband. It didn’t go all that well the first time, but the second time… Too good to share the details. You can get the book for that.  

Awaken Love is balanced in dealing with the spiritual issue of dealing with your sexual past.  Ruth encourages women to think about what was done to them, or what they did, that has given them misguided thinking about sex and therefore has held them back. She then—and I had never heard this before—gets women to pray out loud specifically for where they want freedom and how they want to grow sexually, whether that might be allowing their husband to perform oral sex on them or make love with the lights on.

She then moves on to offer much practical, helpful information. This is the stage of a sex book where I expect that everything the author says will be something I’ve read a dozen times before. I was pleasantly surprised.

Near the end, Ruth comes to an astonishing conclusion that helps reshape the way women in particular can be motivated to heat things up in the bedroom: “I used to think my husband needed creativity in the marriage bed. I thought I needed to dress up, surprise him in new locations, or come up with a new move. It weighed me down and made me feel inadequate. Honestly, I don’t think my husband really cared that much. I now understand that creativity in the marriage bed is something that I need. Women are the ones with fifty pairs of shoes, not our husbands.”

Particularly with younger husbands (who aren’t looking at porn), you don’t usually have to try that hard to get your husband interested in sex. But to keep you interested in sex? That requires creativity. Brilliant advice.

As a guy reading a book written for women, I was struck by how Ruth’s practical but not always obvious tips for increasing sexual pleasure are thus focused ninety percent on increasing the wife’s pleasure. As a husband, I’d want my wife to read this book, because I know the more she enjoys sex, the more interested she is going to be to have even more sex.

A lot of wives are understandably put off by the many sex books that have been written by men. Sometimes it’s the locker room language. Sometimes, it’s the male author’s assumptions. Other times, you may feel he just doesn’t understand women—how they think, feel, or function. If that’s been you, I think you’ll appreciate Ruth’s woman-to-woman counsel.

Let me stress: this is not a sponsored post. I’m writing this solely because I believe this is a book that can serve many marriages and thus help build up God’s church.

You can find more information about Ruth’s book or workshops by going here:

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7 responses to One Woman’s Sexual Awakening

  1. I have not read Ruth’s book, but I have read her blog for years, and I can attest that she handles the subject in a proper Christian way. One comment above causes me concern. Yes, there are doubtless things in porn that are perverted—no question. However, porn’s biggest perversion is more who participates than what is done. There is absolutely no consideration of marital monogamy. If a couple uses what is done in porn for the standard of what not to do, then we are left with nothing. Ruth makes a very (in her blog) good case for God’s encouragement in marital acts that some like to avoid simply because immoral people do them.

  2. I’ve read the book and taken Awakeni Love class via Video. Married for 49 years and I took her class at 44 years of marriage. My husband and I are in our late 60’s and finally able to communicate and enjoy our marriage bed I would tell any couples to read the book take the women’s Awaken Love classes and men take the guys version done by Ruth’s husband. There is no vile information or resemblance to cleaned up porn for Christian married people as one person cautioned in their comments about Christian marriage bed sexuality Her work and verbiage is very respectful and I would recommend this work to any Christian woman or man who desires to learn what God meant for beauty in the intimate relationship in marriage. I found that We as a couple were not too late to have better intimacy in our marriage bed for as long as the Lord has given us days together! The Lord meant intimacy to be truly a beautiful gift for marriage!

  3. Christina Sekona May 14, 2020 at 12:13 pm

    I haven’t read the book yet, only this review, however I wanted to throw a caution out there: so many things have intruded on the loveliness of sexual intimacy in Christian marriage from the porn culture. Let us be exceedingly careful when we are enjoying our spouses (and ourselves) that we aren’t emulating vile sexual practices or trying to compete with the world. God gave us sex as a beautiful and delicious gift, but let us be very very cautious that we don’t take the world’s version of sexuality and “clean it up” a little by being married. Let us be pure in all things, and holy, and enjoy sex in a context that relates with real life, not Hollywood or a porn flick.

    • Having read the book I think Ruth “keeps the marriage bed pure” in all aspects. But also not boring

  4. To have any kind of sexual intimacy would send my heart over the moon. Married for nearly 26 years and in the midst of an in-house separation, have had sex in 16 months, haven’t had a kiss in forever and haven’t heard my wife say “I love you” in years. Just devastated but praying that God is big enough to make things right one way or another.

    • Jack, your comment broke my heart and I just paused to pray for you. Yes, God IS big enough to make things right… one way or another. That’s actually a beautiful way to put it, because we have no control over anyone but OURSELVES and are not guaranteed the outcome we might desire. I just encourage you to remain steadfast in pursuing God and your wife. If you haven’t read Sacred Marriage yet, you should do so immediately! I will continue praying as God brings you to my mind.

      I’ve been there, God brought me through it, and I can see His hand in everything even though the outcome wasn’t what I had hoped for. He will be just as faithful to you, because He cannot deny His own. Be encouraged, Dear Brother in the Lord.

  5. This was AWESOME!!! I love this so much!