“Over the course of my marriage, intercourse has drastically changed from something I just endured to something that frustrated the heck out of me to something I crave.”
Ruth Buezis lived with various degrees of sexual frustration for about twenty-five years. She has spent the past decade making up for it. And she has dedicated this portion of her life to helping women find new pleasure and enjoyment in bed with their husbands.
In her Awaken Love workshops, Ruth helps wives move from thinking sex is something they have to endure for the sake of their husband, to being something that is designed to thrill, pleasure, and comfort them and to draw them ever closer to their husbands. Ruth doesn’t blame her husband for the lack of sexual excitement in the early years of their marriage, saying it was as much her fault as his. Her book is the story of how a woman found her way to the best sex of her life in the third decade of her marriage.
I’ve read a lot of books about marriage and even a good number of books about sex in marriage, and I found Ruth’s Awaken Love to be among the best. She writes as a woman to women, but more particularly as a woman who settled for sub-par sex for far too long, and who not only found the way to enjoyment, but who has taught many other women to get there as well. That journey has seasoned her advice and it has aged well.
One woman struggled with believing her husband was sexually attracted to her. Because of this, sex was guarded, and in the dark. After being set free, she eventually ended up doing a strip tease for her husband. It didn’t go all that well the first time, but the second time… Too good to share the details. You can get the book for that.
Awaken Love is balanced in dealing with the spiritual issue of dealing with your sexual past. Ruth encourages women to think about what was done to them, or what they did, that has given them misguided thinking about sex and therefore has held them back. She then—and I had never heard this before—gets women to pray out loud specifically for where they want freedom and how they want to grow sexually, whether that might be allowing their husband to perform oral sex on them or make love with the lights on.
She then moves on to offer much practical, helpful information. This is the stage of a sex book where I expect that everything the author says will be something I’ve read a dozen times before. I was pleasantly surprised.
Near the end, Ruth comes to an astonishing conclusion that helps reshape the way women in particular can be motivated to heat things up in the bedroom: “I used to think my husband needed creativity in the marriage bed. I thought I needed to dress up, surprise him in new locations, or come up with a new move. It weighed me down and made me feel inadequate. Honestly, I don’t think my husband really cared that much. I now understand that creativity in the marriage bed is something that I need. Women are the ones with fifty pairs of shoes, not our husbands.”
Particularly with younger husbands (who aren’t looking at porn), you don’t usually have to try that hard to get your husband interested in sex. But to keep you interested in sex? That requires creativity. Brilliant advice.
As a guy reading a book written for women, I was struck by how Ruth’s practical but not always obvious tips for increasing sexual pleasure are thus focused ninety percent on increasing the wife’s pleasure. As a husband, I’d want my wife to read this book, because I know the more she enjoys sex, the more interested she is going to be to have even more sex.
A lot of wives are understandably put off by the many sex books that have been written by men. Sometimes it’s the locker room language. Sometimes, it’s the male author’s assumptions. Other times, you may feel he just doesn’t understand women—how they think, feel, or function. If that’s been you, I think you’ll appreciate Ruth’s woman-to-woman counsel.
Let me stress: this is not a sponsored post. I’m writing this solely because I believe this is a book that can serve many marriages and thus help build up God’s church.
You can find more information about Ruth’s book or workshops by going here: