Guest post by: Megan D. Cox
Abuse is rampant these days, and more, and more teachers, churches, and counselors are realizing that it is a deep problem, right now in the Body of Christ. How do we deal with it? How do we help women who are going through it? How do we manage our own emotions, if we are the victim?
I wrote “Give Her Wings” for others, because it was the book I would have liked to have read and when I was in the midst of suffocating pain and loss after I took my children and left my abusive husband. There is currently a great void in Christendom of Christ-centered-counseling works that can help a victim of abuse through crises of faith, post-separation abuse, anxiety, and bitterness after leaving an abusive situation. This book has been a journey. It is my love-offering to Christ.
This week, a woman sent me an email, regarding “Give Her Wings”, saying this:
I just finished your book! I couldn’t put it down. It was my story. Every thought and feeling was all there in black and white. Someone who understood. Who knows. The tears stream down my face as I type this because for the first time in five years, I feel like someone gets what I went through. I was not and am not alone. And most of all, I was not and am not crazy!
If victims of abuse can say this about my book, then I rejoice! My hopes are fulfilled! It is a different kind of writing, tackling the tough stuff Christians do not generally like to discuss. I share my story openly, and yet give clinical, practical, and spiritual advice as well. One of the areas discussed is that God does not approve of the wrongs done to us. I remember believing that God was pleased with me when I allowed bad things to happen to me. Every time I did something that made me utterly uncomfortable, I imagined God was nodding in affirmation. Every time I was “quiet”, every time I covered for my ex-husband, every time I allowed things to happen that just killed me on the inside; I thought God was happy. Every time I let my husband hurt me, I believed God was standing there, looking at me and placing His stamp of approval on what was being done to me. In fact, I often allowed it, thinking I was being godly; thinking I was being a good Christian; thinking I was somehow earning points for suffering so much. How sick is that? How messed up is that? I was dying on the inside . . .
In chapter 6, I refute these lies by explaining how Jesus understood abuse and slaps-in-the-face (literally and figuratively) better than anyone I know. It seemed like every time I read about Jesus’ life on earth, He touched the deepest wounds in my spirit . . . “See that, Megan? That’s when even my family didn’t believe me . . . Remember this? That really stung when he betrayed me . . . and that day that the people praised me . . . well, it didn’t last long . . . I know how you feel. I understand rejection from men.”
“And the people trusted and listened believingly that God was concerned with what was going on with the Israelites and knew all about their affliction. They bowed low and they worshiped.” Exodus 4:31 (The Message)
The truth is God is highly concerned about what is happening to you and me in our lives. He never stood next to your abuser with an approving nod. You are His precious one, Child of God! He is not looking the other way. He is involved; He is concerned.
“Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, “God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”? Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.”
(Isaiah 40:27-31 MSG)
Friend, do not confuse the voice of your abuser(s) with the voice of Christ. He is deeply conscious of the lack of justice in the world yesteryear, yesterday, today and in the future. He is just. What did your abuser(s) do?
Did he rape you? . . . God was not pleased by that. You are His daughter.
Did he disparage you? . . . God was not pleased by that. You matter to Him.
Did he dismiss you and your opinions? . . . God was not pleased by that. Your words are important to God.
Did he gaslight you? . . . God was not pleased by that. He has given you a sound mind.
Did he hurt you? . . . God was not pleased by that. He is protective of you.
Did he mock you? . . . God was not pleased by that. You are of value to God.
Did he belittle you? . . . God was not pleased by that. You are worth dying for.
Did he scream at you? . . . God was not pleased by that. You have dignity in Christ, created by Him and loved by Him.
Did he shame you? . . . God was not pleased by that. You are forgiven.
Did he sabotage you? . . . God was not pleased by that. Your efforts are treasured by God.
You can purchase “Give Her Wings: Help and Healing After Abuse” here http://www.lulu.com/shop/megan-d-cox/give-her-wings-help-healing-after-abuse/paperback/product-21886493.html. Read, find healing, and be edified.