Due to a degenerative eye disease, I live with basically one eye. You wouldn’t know it looking at me, but an ophthalmologist explained to me that my left eye has reached the point where my brain doesn’t rely on it any more. What I see basically comes through my right eye.
I write with “one eye” too. I’m a “spiritual” writer, steeped in the Christian classics, theology, and decades of studying Scripture. When I address marriage, it’s automatic for me to view it through that one lens.
Debra Fileta writes with two eyes. She has an uncanny “spiritual” awareness. By that I mean she understands not just biblical truth, but also biblical sense. Added to that, however, her other “eye” is the eye of a trained marriage therapist. She has worked successfully with numerous couples, and can see patterns that “thinkers” who often write in book-paneled rooms might miss.
Her newest (upcoming book available for pre-order) “Choosing Marriage” is a marvelous way to describe, in just two words, the spirituality of marital commitment. The phrase itself is loaded with profound theological meaning and provides a helpful metaphor. But Debra doesn’t stop there. She offers numerous tools to make choosing marriage seem possible and practical. In other words, Debra doesn’t just inspire us—plenty of “spiritual” writers do that; she also equips us. Rare is the writer who lives in both worlds so effectively.
Here’s a taste of what you can expect when Choosing Marriage comes out in May:
The dangerous rift between two people in a marriage doesn’t happen overnight. Just like anything significant, marriage takes time to build – and it also takes time to tear down.
But sometimes, we begin to slide away from one another without our realizing that the rift is happening. Like the slow dripping of a leaky faucet, we get so accustomed to the pattern of the noise that we don’t even realize that something is broken. Something is in need of attention.
But step by step, day by day, year by year…we disconnect.
Maybe it’s that we’re not taught how to fight against the drift. Or maybe we’re just not in tune to the drifting when it happens. But either way, if we’re not careful, we can find our marriages in a place we never intended for them to be.
If you find yourself dealing with one or more of the following issues in your marriage, it’s time to take seriously the suggestion that your marriage needs attention.
12. If you find that you’re filled with more bitterness toward your spouse than affection – your marriage needs attention.
11. If you find yourself arguing with one another more than connecting with one another – your marriage needs attention.
10. If your disagreements constantly escalate, and end in more conflict rather than a resolution – your marriage needs attention.
9. If you find yourselves passing each other like “strangers” rather than interacting as friends – your marriage needs attention.
8. If you commonly go through your day without touching or connecting physically – your marriage needs attention.
7. If, more often than not, you feel more emotionally drained after being together rather than emotionally filled – your marriage needs attention.
6. If you never have disagreements. Ever. Ever. Ever. – your marriage needs attention. (This tells me that real needs and desires aren’t being expressed on a regular basis and that passivity or safety need to be explored).
5. If you’re so busy or distracted that you have less than 30 minutes of quality conversation in your week – your marriage needs attention.
4. If you feel disconnected and not “in tune” with one another spiritually and emotionally – your marriage needs attention.
3. If you have unresolved issues from the past that keep coming up to haunt your relationship in the present – your marriage needs attention.
2. If you are clueless about your spouse’s activities, interactions, and behaviors when you’re not around – your marriage needs attention.
1. If you would rather spend your free time with people other than your spouse – your marriage needs attention.
It’s time to get serious about getting your marriage to a better place. It’s time to be deliberate about giving your marriage the attention it deserves. Because attention breathes life into a marriage.
If you want practical steps, detailed advice, and a candid look into what it means to invest in your marriage and take it to a better place, check out my new book, Choosing Marriage. It’s filled with astonishing survey results from over 1,000 married people. I poured my heart and soul into it, and I believe it’s going to change marriages and relationships across the globe…one choice at a time.
Comment below: What are some ways you give “attention” to your marriage?
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!